The Sincerest Form?

I heard some soft steps on my dock last night, some time around midnight. It sounded like a woman. I figured it was a new client, because it was way too early yet for the lesbian vampires to be roaming the swamp. I didn't recognize the steps. My shanty boat was dark, but it reeked of coffee perking, and she must have known I was there. She came right in the door, without even knocking. She sat down across from me, and said, "Voodoo lawyer, I need some help...I've been busted for impersonating a police officer!" she barked at me, "but they got it all wrong!"

Turned out she was a stripper, and had worn a cop uniform to a stag party; pulled over on her way to the party, she wound up in jail for impersonating an officer. She currently had a public defender.
"What's your lawyer telling you?" I asked.
"He says the D.A. wants to cut a deal...drop the Impersonating an Officer charge and reduce it to "Emulating a Cop," which I guess is a misdemeanor.
"What are you gonna do?" I asked.
"Look, it might please cops if I cop pleas to emulating a cop, but I'd rather copulate an emu than emulate a cop, and I ain't pleading guilty to nothing!"
She was my kind of client, and not just on account of the bird.
"Will you help me?" she asked.
"What have you got for a fee?" I asked her, "I need some groceries." I was low on coffee, low on butter, and my cornmeal had worms in it. "Look ma'am, bring me a five pounds can of Danish butter, and some coffee beans, and I can fix this mess for you," I told her, already fingering the gris gris bag around my neck.

We made the deal; she was my client. "My goose ain't cooked, is it?" she asked, suddenly serious, but already my mind had roamed back to the emu.
I told her I could get her out of this fix, under the ancient principle of "The allegata and the probata must correspond."
"You mean, like write a letter? The cop will never write the emu, he probably can't write more than a ticket!"
"That's it, exactly ma'am. Even with a copulating cop emulating an emu, we can't lose. Unless, of course, you neglect my fee." "You'll get yours," she told me.
From across the swamp, barred owls began hooting back and forth to one another. I knew she was relieved, it made me proud to be her voodoo lawyer.
Suddenly, she began to hoot back at the owls. She rose, still hooting and crawing, and walked out the door, and down the dock. Its a pretty long walk to the road back there, and I never heard a car start. I did hear her, hooting, for a long time as she walked away.The next morning, I found a tin of butter and a fifty pound burlap sack of green coffee beans on the dock.
(The owls sounded like this . So did she.)